Reality started to hit me: coding is easy and predictable. Managing people? Not so much.
When I became a manager, I had my first 1-1s. At first, I had no clue what to do with them. I treated them like status updates, asking about project tasks instead of focusing on the person in front of me. It took time (and patience from my team – THANK YOU) to learn that 1-1s are not about tasks. They’re about people. How they feel. What’s on their mind. What they need to thrive.
On top of that, I had to face my first really tough situation. There was a developer in my team who was brilliant: productive, reliable, always delivering. But they started coming in late, much later than the rest of the team. The others were frustrated: “We work longer hours, and yet the rewards are the same.”
As the manager, it was my job to address it. And honestly? I completely messed it up. I went into the 1-1 full of blunt criticism, pointing straight at their schedule. It backfired instantly. Instead of a calm talk, we ended up in a nervous, tense exchange. The developer was upset, feeling unappreciated despite their hard work. The team stayed frustrated. And I had only managed to make the situation worse.
It took time, guidance from my own manager and some honest self-reflection to recalibrate. Looking back, I’d handle it so differently: with empathy, with curiosity about their personal situation and with open communication. The goal should have been to partner with them on finding a solution that worked for both them and the team.
This was one of my hardest early lessons in leadership: being a manager is not about solving problems with bluntness and speed. It’s about empathy, patience, and communication. And to that developer: THANK YOU for putting up with me while I was still learning how to manage people.